I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
