EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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