I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
