I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
