i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
