I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
