Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
