Don't make out with my wife yet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
