the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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