I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
