i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
