a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
