She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
