I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
