The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
