fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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