he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
