I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
