My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry my hands just texted you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
