I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
