So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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