i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
