So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
