I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
