I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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