Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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