just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
