I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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