I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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