Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
