Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
