Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
