my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
