I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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