apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
