i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
