Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
