He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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