I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
