My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
