i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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