omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think i have two assholes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
