i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
