matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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