don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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