twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
