I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
