i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
