She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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