btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Randomize
