Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
