I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
