Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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