everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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