I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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