exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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