Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're so nebulous sometimes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
