I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize