you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
