is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
