What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
