fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
