Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize