Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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