Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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