I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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