why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
