the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
