I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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